


the stars don't come down

by jillyfae



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Tragedy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:39:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillyfae/pseuds/jillyfae
Summary: Too many possibilities, too many mistakes.These are not the happy endings.





	the stars don't come down

**Author's Note:**

> for once not an e.e. cummings poem! The fic & title are both from [in one timeline](http://elisabethhewer.co.uk/post/117690706596/in-one-timeline-we-kiss-but-the-stars-dont-come) by Elizabeth Hewer.
> 
> (also #4 is safe to read if you want something happy. Only #4.)
> 
> [[tumblr](http://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/174337362013)]

1.

Magnus knows he’s coming on too strong, but he can _see_  it in Alec’s eyes, an echo of every sharp beautiful flicker of hope that’s warming his own heart. Somehow at three in the morning, both of them punchy with exertion and lack of sleep, shivering from the echoes of the energy transfer, neither of them quite sober, that look in Alec’s eyes seems like enough.

Magnus leans in to kiss him, and for half a heartbeat Alec’s lips are soft and startled and he thinks, he hopes… and then Alec pushes away and stumbles back and the hope Alec had held in his smile is gone, shattered and surrounded by fear and anger and a grief so deep it makes Magnus’ heart break for Alec even more than it’s breaking for himself.

Alec shakes his head and he steps back and the shifting emotions in his eyes settle into _betrayal._

And then he’s gone.

He’s not wrong. Magnus knew better. Alec had been so careful in what he offered, his heart so clearly fragile, protected by trembling hands. Magnus had pushed, and he’d _pushed,_  and he’d shoved him right out the door. 

He’s not going to get a second chance.

2. 

Jace leaves.

The roof explodes.

Magnus doesn’t care, because Alec’s already stopped breathing, the wound in his chest has stopped bleeding. Magnus’ heart is screaming and burning, and he no longer has a lick of magic to set the world on fire with him.

3. 

There’s a New Year’s party at Pandemonium, and Magnus has lost track of time, is still carrying the latest round of drinks back to his friends when the count-down starts. He sighs, and shrugs. A kiss at New Year’s has never really granted him luck, but he hasn’t had a countdown without one in at least a decade and it feels odd to know he’s going to miss it now. 

His elbow bumps against someone else, and he’s looking into a handsome face with hazel eyes and a startled lift of eyebrows. Magnus can’t quite help glancing at the stranger’s lips and back up to his eyes, and for a moment they’re staring, and they hear the voices finish, _Happy New Year’s!_

They don’t move any closer, they don’t kiss. The stranger smiles, and it looks almost like regret, and then he nods, and leaves. Magnus shakes his head to lose the odd taste of sorrow in the back of his throat, and finishes his trip back to his table.

4. 

Alec follows Magnus into the kitchen, wraps his arms around Magnus from behind and settles his chin on Magnus’ shoulder.

Magnus puts his hand over Alec’s and smiles. “You are distracting me terribly from making more popcorn.”

He feels Alec shrug. 

Magnus leans back against Alec’s chest with a sigh. “You’ve seen your siblings and our friends when they don’t get enough food, I would think you’d be more concerned.”

There’s a soft shift of air against Magnus’ ear as Alec almost laughs, and then the air steadies out, carries his voice instead. “I had a whole plan for tonight, when I thought we’d be alone, but I don’t want to wait.”

There’s a sudden sweet tension curling in Magnus’ chest, and he hears his voice lift with a question. He tries to turn around, but Alec’s arms tighten, and his voice drops even lower, and he’s moved his mouth close enough that Magnus can feel Alec’s lips brushing against his ear.  “Will you marry me?”

This time the lift in his throat is louder, even if Magnus can’t manage words at all, and when he tries to turn again Alec’s arms loosen. Magnus looks at Alec and manages a nod. Alec’s face lights up with the most amazing grin, and Magnus pulls him close to kiss him.

They’re still kissing when Isabelle wanders in to ask them what happened to the popcorn. 

Magnus pushes himself back, despite the soft whine in Alec’s throat.

“Celebrating our engagement,” he says, catching a quick glimpse of Isabelle’s grin, which is almost as delighted as Alec’s had been, before Alec’s mouth is on his again. He sort of notices a general cheer from the other room as Isabelle spreads the news, but decides he’ll deal with congratulations later.

Kissing Alexander is definitely more important.

5. 

They’re too different. Alec will never really choose Magnus over his own people. Magnus can never risk his own just because his heart is breaking. When Alec asks him if they can talk after Valentine’s death, Magnus shakes his head no, and goes home alone.

6.

The first time Alexander kissed him was at his almost-wedding, when he finally chose himself before everyone else.

The last time Alexander kisses him is at _their_  wedding, and when all hell breaks loose during the reception, he chooses everyone else again, and rather than a kiss their good-bye is just a press of his palm to Magnus’ cheek before he turns to fight. 

7.

At least Magnus got to say good-bye.

At least he got to tell Alexander that he loved him.

At least he knows Asmodeus kept his word. 

Lilith comes back to Edom to join them, throws her power around in her rage and despair, in her grief from losing her son. But she’s trapped as surely as the rest of them, here in hell.

Trapped forever.

At least Magnus knows Jace was saved, at least he knows Alexander is alive.

That’s the only thought he can hold onto, as the centuries pass. 

_Alexander was alive, once, and I saved him._

8. 

They meet, and part, and meet again.

Sometimes the tension sings between them, and they almost kiss.

Sometimes they argue.

Sometimes they pretend they’re only colleagues.

Sometimes they’re each other’s only friend.

Neither of them gets involved with anyone else, not romantically, not for the thirty years that Alec leads the New York Institute, the thirty years that Magnus stays on as High Warlock.

When Alec retires to Idris, Magnus steps down and takes to wandering again.

Isabelle’s letter telling him of Alec’s death shows up ten years later. It found him five months after the funeral, having been forwarded around the world a few times following his path.

He wonders why she didn’t send him a fire message before he remembers that he was in the Spiral Labyrinth five months ago, securely hidden behind centuries of Warlock wards. He can’t decide if that was a kindness, not given a choice about whether to try and attend the service, or if it was just one more cruel trick the universe decided to play on him.

He’s not sure if he cares. It’s difficult to care about much of anything. He’s gotten _old._

Alec’s letter finds him only a few weeks later. It was sent out only a few days before Isabelle’s, as if he’d known he didn’t have much time left.

> _Dear Magnus,_
> 
> _I’m sorry._
> 
> _For a lot of things, but mostly that I never told you I loved you. I don’t think it would have helped, considering everything else. _I’m sure you knew, after all. I wasn’t very good at hiding it._  But I did try so hard to be honest, and in that I failed you._
> 
> _Clary told us about an alternate universe she visited back when we first met, do you remember? She told me once that she’d seen us there, seen us meet, and it was just like it was here, an instant connection, bright enough that everyone could see it. I think she was hoping it would change things, here, though I knew it was too late._
> 
> _It’s oddly comforting, now, to think about other worlds, other dimensions, other universes, and imagine that, at least in one of them, we made it work._
> 
> _I’m sorry this wasn’t one of them._
> 
> _I’m sorry I’m leaving you alone again._
> 
> _I hope you can forgive me._
> 
> _I hope, somehow, somewhen, somewhere, we get another chance._
> 
> _I hope I do better there._
> 
> _Goodbye,_
> 
> _Alexander_


End file.
